[ It's a sweet gesture, one that would have been a strange leap to take hardly a day ago, and might not have stirred the same amount of fondness that it does now. Which is, in its newness, a little disarming. Assuring, too. Marcus was already relaxed
on account of the rigorous sex
but there is a different kind of relaxing to be done here, and he does so, bit by bit. ]
[Even after a few years, the topic warms him.] She's a little mercenary. She set out to acquire me for professional use early on. When I started, I was with the Research division and, at the time, she was the head of Diplomacy, so you see how that's gone.
[It wasn't as direct a line as that, but on the other hand: she hadn't been wrong about him.]
I certainly didn't fail to notice her many charms right away, but given how formal she is, at first I assumed she hadn't any interest in me that direction. But she's so clever, I found her very easy to talk to. Even about serious things, and I've not been a man with many confidantes. It's quite a thing, to feel understood by someone. Especially, for me, someone who hasn't known me all my life, when I spent so long with the same handful of people.
[He even may miss one or two of them. When he'd set off into the wider world, he'd never really considered the prospect that someone could get to know him properly again. That someone would so obviously want to.
With a small laugh, he adds:] Saying it out loud, I suppose it makes me sound very egotistical. But the truth was, I wanted to know her, too. To give her the gift of someone to confide in, in return.
She made me want to take care of her, [he says a bit softer, watching Marcus resettle.] Not because I don't think her capable, but because I feel like she never expects it and I'd like her to be pleasantly surprised.
[He's still surer she loves him than that she relies on him, even after all this time. But it's inclined to make him try harder, not give up.]
I don't suppose you're alone in that impulse, [ he says, a little dry. It's a joke because he is here too, but also not a joke, because—consider, that he's right. ] Unique in having been selected. For acting on it, for staying.
[ The inevitable question. In another context, it might be an uncomfortable one. But as long as Julius doesn't press him for some form of apology, for having developed such feelings towards her when he did, Marcus doesn't feel compelled to offer one. ]
I had been curious, first, [ he says, after a time of thinking back. ] Attracted in an ordinary sort of way, but because she is a compelling person. And presence. None of that might have mattered, if not for the things we turned to talking about.
And in those conversations, I saw her courage, and her conviction. Those things that hadn't diminished her hope, but bolstered it. She is, [ he adds, ] easy to talk to. About things that are hard to talk about.
We should note our praise to share with her later. She'd be delighted.
[It's warm, affectionate despite a touch of wryness.]
You could enjoy even more of her conversation, you know, if you rearranged your housing assignment.
[It's light, but the invitation is genuine. He feels confident enough to extend it, even with Petrana absent; he knows her well enough to suspect that it was of a piece with her expressed intention to have Marcus in their bed again. That said, Marcus may want to keep a bit more independence at first, and perhaps it will be easier for him to say no to one of them than it would be to turn down a united front.]
[There are worse possible answers, in fairness. If Marcus hopes to distract him, it is arguably working; there's something very compelling about their warm, lazy proximity. Something less urgent suits him to the ground, and he takes another slow kiss when the first one ends.
Eventually, he murmurs more or less against Marcus's mouth:]
I will warn you, Vysvolod will jump up on the bed, occasionally at the most inconvenient moment.
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on account of the rigorous sex
but there is a different kind of relaxing to be done here, and he does so, bit by bit. ]
Why her?
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[It wasn't as direct a line as that, but on the other hand: she hadn't been wrong about him.]
I certainly didn't fail to notice her many charms right away, but given how formal she is, at first I assumed she hadn't any interest in me that direction. But she's so clever, I found her very easy to talk to. Even about serious things, and I've not been a man with many confidantes. It's quite a thing, to feel understood by someone. Especially, for me, someone who hasn't known me all my life, when I spent so long with the same handful of people.
[He even may miss one or two of them. When he'd set off into the wider world, he'd never really considered the prospect that someone could get to know him properly again. That someone would so obviously want to.
With a small laugh, he adds:] Saying it out loud, I suppose it makes me sound very egotistical. But the truth was, I wanted to know her, too. To give her the gift of someone to confide in, in return.
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I'm familiar with some of her charms, [ he says. ] It isn't a matter of ego, knowing how you feel.
[ He will have to turn the question on her, in turn, the kind of lazy mental notation that will surely surface in similar moments. ]
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[He's still surer she loves him than that she relies on him, even after all this time. But it's inclined to make him try harder, not give up.]
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She's very different to anyone I've known.
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[The, after a moment, because turnabout is fair play:]
Why her, for you?
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I had been curious, first, [ he says, after a time of thinking back. ] Attracted in an ordinary sort of way, but because she is a compelling person. And presence. None of that might have mattered, if not for the things we turned to talking about.
And in those conversations, I saw her courage, and her conviction. Those things that hadn't diminished her hope, but bolstered it. She is, [ he adds, ] easy to talk to. About things that are hard to talk about.
no subject
[It's warm, affectionate despite a touch of wryness.]
You could enjoy even more of her conversation, you know, if you rearranged your housing assignment.
[It's light, but the invitation is genuine. He feels confident enough to extend it, even with Petrana absent; he knows her well enough to suspect that it was of a piece with her expressed intention to have Marcus in their bed again. That said, Marcus may want to keep a bit more independence at first, and perhaps it will be easier for him to say no to one of them than it would be to turn down a united front.]
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I see how you both might have similarities.
[ —which, of course they do, but it stands being said.
It isn't a no or a yes, but maybe a deferral for later answering. The fact that he rolls in closer to Julius to bully him into a kiss definitely is. ]
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Eventually, he murmurs more or less against Marcus's mouth:]
I will warn you, Vysvolod will jump up on the bed, occasionally at the most inconvenient moment.
[Only fair that he be prepared.]