[ She feels like she's - losing his trust, saying this. If he's saying that sort of thing, then he's - nervous? Maybe. And so she tries to explain a little better, haltingly: ]
I do know where it can lead. Of course. I - [ It's hard to say this in a way that doesn't make everyone feel embarrassed and uncomfortable. ] The blood of mages is especially useful for that kind of magic, you know. So. That's where they sent me.
[ Suddenly - maybe a little surprisingly - there's a real ferocity in her voice. No hedging, no stammer - just steel. ]
No one will ever use me that way again. And I'd -
[ She stops herself before she finishes the thought - kill anyone who tried - but one can guess her meaning from her tone alone. She resumes a little softer. ]
All that I mean is that I do know what it can turn into. I do. As well as anyone. So I don't want you to think that I'm...a ninny. That I'm naive to what it is.
[ by which he means, he doesn't think that, clear in intonation. Quiet, responding to flaring anger with a kind of practiced calm, in this limited way. ]
But I wouldn't want to give the wrong impression of the south. That we're naïve to its potential.
[ She rushes to reassure him, not wanting for a moment for him to believe that she thinks poorly of him. The anxiety to make it clear she means no insult eats into her anger just a bit more. ]
I just wonder if it still has to be such an evil thing. It ends up being evil most of the time. But if someone used their own blood, and didn't hurt anyone else - would that still be evil?
[ More silence, thinking. That Tertia is asking him questions he has circled himself, that he's considered seeking answers for, makes it all the more complicated—and that's before even considering the danger inherent in the asking.
Speaking with young mages always reminds him of the Circle, and philosophising on the nature and morality of magic, even blood magic, is just as reminiscent. ]
No, [ finally, after some internal sifting. ] Evil is choice, intention. It isn't simply a thing that exists on its own. To say that anything on its own is innately corrupt is Chantry talk.
Especially because...The right way of doing magic is something that not everyone gets to learn. I didn't really learn it. But they can't cut you off from your own blood - from your own life. So even the most lowly mages can still take that power.
It is good to know whether it's truly forbidden here, or whether people just act like it's forbidden to keep up appearances. I'd never want to do something that would reflect badly on Riftwatch.
As if in good conscience, he can't say he's never done anything to reflect badly upon Riftwatch, but it certainly isn't his aim. ]
Are there ways you feel lacking, in magic? We don't have many true educators among our number, but we have mages of different kinds you could apprentice yourself to, perhaps.
Dabbling, [ admittedly. ] And then intuition, moving to that which came naturally. We had plenty of time for study, in the Circles. You'll have to manage between duties.
It’s been very different. Especially in Riftwatch. They - treat elves like we’re just as good as humans. I haven’t even - At dinner, humans will serve me. It’s not like that at home, not even for free elves. I keep expecting people to come to their senses or notice my ears or something, but - It’s like the Maker has drawn all the kindest hearts from all of Thedas together. Like this island is someone’s dream of what the world should be.
[ A breath of what could be a laugh, but he says, ]
Good,
[ without cynicism. Good that she's found kindness and fair treatment. It might not have truly occurred to him, to ask after what it is to be an elf, here, even when he in theory knows of their treatment in Tevinter, even when the woman he calls sister is an elf herself.
In fairness, he's sure Tsenka forgets that fact half the time anyway. ]
That isn't always so, beyond the island, but there are worse cities than Kirkwall. In that way. Better cities than it as well, but.
Yes. I avoid going off the island too often. I know that free elves in the South are sometimes kidnapped and sent North. So - I’m perfectly happy to stay here.
[ but - ] You said there are better cities? Like what?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[ There’s no evasiveness there, no anxious shiftiness. Tertia isn’t a good liar; this is the truth. ]
But I’ve seen a lot of it done.
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The magic you have is enough. More than.
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[ She feels like she's - losing his trust, saying this. If he's saying that sort of thing, then he's - nervous? Maybe. And so she tries to explain a little better, haltingly: ]
I do know where it can lead. Of course. I - [ It's hard to say this in a way that doesn't make everyone feel embarrassed and uncomfortable. ] The blood of mages is especially useful for that kind of magic, you know. So. That's where they sent me.
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Finally; ]
No one here will use you that way, Tertia. No one would want to, or think you're denying us something.
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[ Suddenly - maybe a little surprisingly - there's a real ferocity in her voice. No hedging, no stammer - just steel. ]
No one will ever use me that way again. And I'd -
[ She stops herself before she finishes the thought - kill anyone who tried - but one can guess her meaning from her tone alone. She resumes a little softer. ]
All that I mean is that I do know what it can turn into. I do. As well as anyone. So I don't want you to think that I'm...a ninny. That I'm naive to what it is.
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[ by which he means, he doesn't think that, clear in intonation. Quiet, responding to flaring anger with a kind of practiced calm, in this limited way. ]
But I wouldn't want to give the wrong impression of the south. That we're naïve to its potential.
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[ She rushes to reassure him, not wanting for a moment for him to believe that she thinks poorly of him. The anxiety to make it clear she means no insult eats into her anger just a bit more. ]
I just wonder if it still has to be such an evil thing. It ends up being evil most of the time. But if someone used their own blood, and didn't hurt anyone else - would that still be evil?
[ A genuine question. ]
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Speaking with young mages always reminds him of the Circle, and philosophising on the nature and morality of magic, even blood magic, is just as reminiscent. ]
No, [ finally, after some internal sifting. ] Evil is choice, intention. It isn't simply a thing that exists on its own. To say that anything on its own is innately corrupt is Chantry talk.
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Especially because...The right way of doing magic is something that not everyone gets to learn. I didn't really learn it. But they can't cut you off from your own blood - from your own life. So even the most lowly mages can still take that power.
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Then, with what is not too far removed from a sort of bleak humour; ]
This isn't encouragement.
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[ She's quick to agree. ]
It is good to know whether it's truly forbidden here, or whether people just act like it's forbidden to keep up appearances. I'd never want to do something that would reflect badly on Riftwatch.
[ Or reflect badly on her, within Riftwatch. ]
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As if in good conscience, he can't say he's never done anything to reflect badly upon Riftwatch, but it certainly isn't his aim. ]
Are there ways you feel lacking, in magic? We don't have many true educators among our number, but we have mages of different kinds you could apprentice yourself to, perhaps.
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I don't even know, truthfully. I don't know what I might even be good at. How did you figure out what magic suited you?
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[ She doesn't sound too put out, despite the difficulty of the position she's in. ]
It's more than I ever even hoped I would get.
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[ At the very least. Any elder, willing to teach. ]
How has it been for you, here, so far? In Riftwatch, the south.
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[ She struggles a moment to find the words. ]
It’s been very different. Especially in Riftwatch. They - treat elves like we’re just as good as humans. I haven’t even - At dinner, humans will serve me. It’s not like that at home, not even for free elves. I keep expecting people to come to their senses or notice my ears or something, but - It’s like the Maker has drawn all the kindest hearts from all of Thedas together. Like this island is someone’s dream of what the world should be.
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Good,
[ without cynicism. Good that she's found kindness and fair treatment. It might not have truly occurred to him, to ask after what it is to be an elf, here, even when he in theory knows of their treatment in Tevinter, even when the woman he calls sister is an elf herself.
In fairness, he's sure Tsenka forgets that fact half the time anyway. ]
That isn't always so, beyond the island, but there are worse cities than Kirkwall. In that way. Better cities than it as well, but.
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[ but - ] You said there are better cities? Like what?