I, Marcus Rowntree, leave the final actions of my will to be executed by Madame Petrana de Cedoux or, in her absence, Enchanter Julius. In the event neither are able to perform those duties, I charge the current Commander of Riftwatch with the execution of this will.
My staff is to be given to Matthias. He may wish to use it as is, but is free to have it altered or sold. It is not my belief that a mage must carry the burdens of those that came before them. It is a heavy stick.
My armor is to be given to Tsenka Abendroth. She may have it refitted or sold. There is no condition attached to this save that I would appreciate that she speak well of me at least once in my absence.
The care of my horse (Kevin) is to be given to Derrica. I trust she will see that he is afforded some comfort, wherever he goes next. He likes apples best.
The care of my other horse (Margaret) is to be given to Richard Dickerson. distributed back to Riftwatch ownership with the request that she be returned to Richard Dickerson should he reappear in Thedas.
All remaining personal property and wealth and any pending wages accumulated are to be distributed to Madame Petrana de Cedoux and Enchanter Julius Selwyn.
In the event that any of my belongings of significant value cannot be allocated, it is my will that Riftwatch take possession of them to be dismantled, sold, or reallocated as appropriate.
There is something strange about freedom after captivity. When you are a captive, you are full of longing for whatever waits on the other side of it. Perhaps you yearn or dream, or you burn with anger and grief, but either way, so much of your being is dedicated to the potential of what you will be when you finally escape it.
Leaving those confines meant war, first, and then there was no war, and then I spent a long time waiting to be the man I imagined I would simply become when given the room to do so. I was met instead with doubt that I ever would be that, that perhaps the Circles had taken so much from me (in time and spirit and opportunity) that I would remain a captive to them even while they lay in rubble. It is my suspicion that you understand what I am talking about.
It is difficult to put into words the way you have made me feel like this isn't so, that I am complete and whole, and like I can only say that you have. Perhaps it is in part because you do not come from the Circles or a world that contains them, but it is also that you understood how the horrors of war can only be matched by the hope in the thing those wars are trying to accomplish. I fell in love with you properly when I saw you knew this to be true.
With you, that sense of hope took form and shape. Many years ago, I had torn down stone walls and then simply stood in its remains. With you, I left it behind.
Although I am sorry we did not get to share more time together, the time we did have has made all else worth it. Like an unearned gift, which you must know is my favourite kind. I hope that in my absence, you will still find opportunities to let your temper fly at someone (deserving or not), and allow pretty and frivolous things into your life even if you don't want them there.
I love you. Know that if ever the world ceases to bend to your will, then it deserves breaking.
I like to imagine you as that man who fled to Antiva and became a scribe. Resourceful, a little cunning, hopeful, penniless, and possessed with the audacity of claiming for yourself a life of your own making. I am making it more romantic in my mind than I am sure it felt at the time, but in my imagining, I picture having met you then. Perhaps I have also pretended myself into some other story. Perhaps we'd have loved one another beyond all of the painful burdens of mage history, the uncertain future. It is not that I wish for this, only that it is nice to think about.
But you did not remain there. You came back to it all, and I know, romances aside, that thing in you that cannot leave well enough alone is so much a part of how I love you. That you see something the same in me, for all that the form it takes is often so different.
You are better with argument than I, and in a letter or a lifetime, I could not make you believe that my passing would be in some way acceptable. I suppose I don't wish to. How good it has been to have you care for me, to become frustrated and worried and perhaps even angry because of how you care for me. I told you that I only want my time with both of you to be good, given how much I intruded upon it. This is still true - but you have convinced me that it is always good, even when it isn't.
So I will impress upon you the idea that this continues to be so. I am sorry we do not have more time but I cannot be sorry for the time we have had.
I love you. I hope that this world can be reasoned with in exactly the way you believe it can be. That it is composed of mostly decent people (and, as well, impressionable people) that can be convinced of what is good and true. You did, anyway, convince me.
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last will.
letter to petrana.
letter to julius.